We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
/

about

This song was written about events in episode 2 of season 2 of the 'Dice to Meet You' podcast, online at dicetomeetyou.com/2016/12/30/s02e02-i-hate-you-kevin/ , and was recorded during the following episode.

After I wrote the initial version, I considered changing it to make Kevin a stand-in for Donald Trump. Then I realized he already kind of was.

lyrics

As I was walking up the stairs to the Goddess's Heart,
I met a man whose backside had been pierced by many darts.
His clothes were gone, or almost: he still had his underclothes.
I asked him why. He shrugged, and said, "Sometimes that's how it goes:

I travelled with a fighter.
He called himself Kevin.
I might have met a dumber jock,
If so, I can't say when.
I got KOed. He took my clothes.
Excuse me my outburst,
but if you've met him, I am sorry,
Because Kevin is the worst."

Proceeding, we soon came upon this self-styled brave knight.
His stupid face betrayed a complete lack of any insight.
Swing first, ask questions later, was his one approach to a fight.
I asked him why. He stated, "Killing monsters's a delight.

I'm a terrible person."
I'm paraphrasing here.
"I kill things that are different,
'Cause I live my life in fear.
Even if they're doing laundry,
By me, they'll be oppressed.
They'll be sorry that they met me,
For Kevin is racist."

BRIDGE:

Now, I know many people have strong feelings about monsters. But have you ever sat down and talked to one? They have families, lives, and dreams, just like everyone else. It's not their fault that society has branded them 'evil' and considers them disposable. So just think about that, the next time you come across a monster carrying out some innocuous everyday task, and leave them alone, or even lend them a hand. Don't be like Kevin. That guy is a total loser.

Our mouse rogue got right in his face and told him to be nice,
He used short words and phrases, and explained it to him twice.
Then, suitably cowed, Kevin slowly slunk away.
Perhaps he's fixed his habits, but, just to be safe, I'd say:

Always look out for this fighter,
He calls himself Kevin.
I might have met a bigger twerp,
If so, I can't say when.
If he gives you lip, a little whip
reminds him where he stands.
Please don't go easy on him.
He's the worst in all the lands.

credits

from Dice to Meet You: Tales from the Goddess's Repose, released December 30, 2016

license

tags

about

Jacob Haller image

Jacob Haller Providence, Rhode Island

Jacob Haller has been a fixture of the Rhode Island music scene for ten years, and has been frequently featured in popular shows such as AS220's Empire Revue and Common Fence Point Music's annual Gathering of Fiddlers & Fishermen.

"Jacob Haller is not only a talented musician and songwriter, he's also a talented songwriter and musician."

-- Harper Johnson, Co-Host of The Blues Record podcast ... more

contact / help

Contact Jacob Haller

Streaming and
Download help

Shipping and returns

Redeem code

Report this track or account

Jacob Haller recommends:

If you like Jacob Haller, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Fabiana Palladino stops by to talk about her mesmeric debut LP.
listen now