Time To Break Up The Band

by Jacob Haller

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    Own one of only 250 copies of the first run of this CD, silk-screened by hand at 75orLess Records in Rhode Island. Includes an insert with art by Shaenon K. Garrity and Andrew Farago, plus printed lyrics to all of the original songs!

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about

Jacob Haller has been a fixture of the Rhode Island music scene for the past ten years, and has been frequently featured in popular shows such as AS220's Empire Revue and Common Fence Point Music's annual Gathering of Fiddlers & Fishermen. For this, his third album, he has brought together some of his favorite musicians to record songs on topics such as: kittens, relationships, exploding whales, criminal activity, coffee, loneliness, and time travel. The result is an eclectic mix of songs that will entertain and confuse you.

Praise for 'Time To Break Up The Band':
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"With 'Time To Break Up The Band', Jacob does one of the hardest things a songwriter can attempt, and he does it successfully: he takes forms that seem familiar and imposes completely his own unique sensibility. The resulting songs are full of wry stories that take unexpected turns; they're truly original, and they do not disappoint."

-- Ian Fitzgerald, singer-songwriter

"A refreshingly light-hearted take on Blues and Folk music. 'Time To Break Up The Band' gives you a nod and wink to accompany the foot tapping that ensues."

-- The Blues Record

"If you're a fan of Jacob Haller for his witty, clever approach to lyrics, 'Time To Break Up The Band' will not disappoint!"

-- Heather Rose

"Jacob Haller's next album, after this one, I predict will be called 'Quitting My Day Job'."

-- Sonny Roelle, the Sentimental Favorites

credits

released May 15, 2014

This album was recorded and mixed at Machines with Magnets by Keith Souza and Seth Manchester and mastered at Sound Mirror by Mark Donahue, and has been released by 75orLess Records. Album art is by Shaenon K. Garrity and Andrew Farago. Lyrics, other recordings, etc. at music.jwgh.org.

All songs and performances ©2013 and ℗2013 Jacob Haller except as noted.

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

about

Jacob Haller Providence, Rhode Island

Jacob Haller has been a fixture of the Rhode Island music scene for ten years, and has been frequently featured in popular shows such as AS220's Empire Revue and Common Fence Point Music's annual Gathering of Fiddlers & Fishermen.

"Jacob Haller is not only a talented musician and songwriter, he's also a talented songwriter and musician."

-- Harper Johnson, Co-Host of The Blues Record podcast
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Track Name: Time To Break Up The Band
We've been on the road for a couple of weeks;
We've never sounded quite this great.
The crowds have been swelling, the applause is so loud,
And it's louder in every new state.
The critics have spoken, they're starting to say
Our sound is the best in the land.
But I guess all good things must come to an end:
Guess it's time to break up the band.

If you listened to us with your vision obscured
You'd swear our drummer had seven limbs.
Our guitarist is Hendrix crossed with Bonnie Raitt;
Our songs have the catchiest rhythms.
We've played together for years, and we've built up our skills—
We're catchy without being bland.
From this peak, I only see one way to go:
Guess it's time to break up the band.

We stuck it out through thin and kept it going through thinner,
Through it all, we stuck together like glue.
I remember playing to crowds in the threes -
We thought that we'd never break through.
And now that it seems that we've broken, all right,
Guess it's time to start something new ...

With one last song for the road, one regretful refrain,
We'll head out to solo careers.
We'll build new reputations and work on our craft
And in time we'll forget all our fears.
And maybe we'll collaborate in twos or in threes—
After all, we were birds of a feather.
And so maybe we'll say, in a decade or two,
Guess it's time to put the band back together.
Track Name: Kitten Knitting Blues
goin' down to the drug store, buy me a skein of yarn
goin' down to the drug store, buy a big ol' skein of yarn
gonna knit me a kitten, even if you don't give a darn

got a pair o' round needles, listen to them purr!
got a pair o' round needles, hear them summabitches purr!
gonna knit me a kitten and cover him up with fur

don' want no store-bought kitten,
can't stand them kitten farms,
I wants me a homemade kitten
with all those kitten charms

so I guess I'll knit me a kitten
any color fur I choose
I can barely wait for my kitten
that's why I got me the blues

gonna knit me a kitten, just a couple more months to go
gonna knit me a kitten, just eight or nine months to go
gonna knit a siamese or maybe even a calico

I'm a gettin' closer, I can almost hear the mews
I'm a gettin' closer, I swear I can hear those mews
I can't wait to finish, I got the kitten knittin' blues

no, I can't wait to finish, that's why I got
the kitten knittin' BLUES!
Track Name: A Fork In The Road
Once in my favorite diner, I noticed on the floor
a shiny dime which I picked up, and then looked 'round for more.
It was noticed by my neighbor who sat there next to me.
He mentioned it and praised me highly for my industry.
We got to talking, and he seemed a very pleasant guy.
I told him of my job and how I hated it and why.
He was quite sympathetic, and he asked me to invest
in enterprises that he ran, and I did, for a test.
My money quickly doubled, then it tripled. I was in.
My whole life's savings, and then some more, I handed it to him.
Then one day when I called him there's no answer on the line.
He'd gone completely missing with the money that was mine.
And so, to keep myself from going quickly to default,
I started taking money from my employer's bank vault.

Now you know that every day we make decisions big and small.
To sleep late, throw a man a buck, or give a friend a call.
But these choices' effects multiply all of the goddamn time,
And that's why I'm in prison now, for picking up a dime.
Track Name: Binders Full Of Women
I got binders full of women
I got notebooks of femmes fatales
I got portfolios of ladyfolks I couldn't even list them all
I'm good for business
What's good for business's good for the chicks
And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix

I got a spreadsheet full of sisters
A database of dames
A rolodex of double X but don't ask me their names
I'm good for business
What's good for business's good for the chicks
And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix

I can cross-index the ladies
Based on name, shape and size.
Then, what the hell, put it in Excel and sort them by their eyes.
I'm good for business
Whats good for business's good for the chicks
And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix

I quickly categorize 'em,
Then send them home to feed their sprogs.
My book of lists lists feminists under a female dog.
I'm good for business
What's good for business's good for ladies
I can see their grateful looks as I drive past in my Mercedes
Track Name: The Ballad of the Oregon Highway Department
In nineteen and seventy our story begins:
A sperm whale was washed up on shore.
And people did notice, as an eight ton dead beast
Can be a bit hard to ignore.

It became a curiosity and people stopped by
To see what washed up from the sea.
Then it started to stink, and soon all did agree
That the beach should be made dead whale-free.

The government considered just who would be best
to resolve the large problem at hand.
The highway department was given the task
of removing the whale from the land.

Now when you've a hammer, it's often been said,
Every problem resembles a nail.
So when you've a truckload of dynomite,
You can bet that you'll annihilate that whale.

A crowd gathered round, for it's not every day
That you'll see a whale blowed up real good,
And the seagulls were there, for their gull senses told them
There'd soon be no shortage of food.

The crowd roared its approval at the whale's quick removal
Then the pieces, they rained on back down.
Though nobody was killed, bits of blubber still filled
Every inch of that Oregon town.

On this scene I will now draw a curtain, my friends,
But I'll give you some final imagery:
Of the insurance adjuster who got the report
Of a whale attack a half mile from sea.
Track Name: Seven Years Of Fat
Verse: (stop time)

The grasshopper said to the ant,
"Why don't you just relax?"
The ant said to the grasshopper,
"I'll tell you the true facts:
That there'll be

CHORUS: (swinging)

Seven years of fat, then seven years of lean.
These cycles come and go, from everything I've seen.
You might spend your dough in the times of plenty --
Put some by, or you won't have a penny
when your time is done
and it's seven years of lean."

The Pharoah said to Joseph,
"Well, I don't know what to do."
Joseph said to the Pharoah,
"I've got some good and bad news for you:
'Cause there'll be

[CHORUS]

The banker said to the farmer,
"What goes up will never come down."
The farmer said, "The time will come
when you'll look like a clown. 'Cause there'll be

[CHORUS]
Track Name: Was The Moon Too Full?
VERSE 1:

Last night I gave you one last final chance,
So I laughed politely at your awful jests.
Your lines were so corny that I just had to smile
To keep my eyes from rolling in their sockets.
We parted with an awkward hug at my door.
You're nice, and that is fine, but I need more.

CHORUS 1:

Was the moon too full?
Was the wine a bit too strong?
Did I behave too politely,
And try too hard to get along?
Why was the night so imperfect?
Why did you not know what to say?
Was the moon too full?
Guess that's why I went away.

VERSE 2:

Last night I'd never seen you be more beautiful,
And we laughed through drinks & also through dinner.
We saw a shooting star & I said to make a wish.
You smiled & I felt I was such a winner.
I drove you home & we embraced at your door.
Now I'm alone and I'm not sure what for.

CHORUS 2:

Was the moon too full?
Was the wine a bit too sweet?
Was I too damn charming?
Were you too knocked off your feet?
Was the night too perfect?
Did you not know what to say?
Was the moon too full?
Is that why you went away?
Track Name: gchat blues
In my day-to-day life, I'm a man of few words,
But on Google Chat, I can't wait to talk to my nerds.
It's my social release, the main thing I do online.
I've tried facebook and ICQ, but they ain't worth a dime.
I go to my job and work hard every day,
So how come all of my friends on gchat are set to away?

You know, I live alone, I don't want to just talk to the wall,
And if there's no one to talk to, I feel around six inches tall.
You know that connecting friends, that's what the Internet's for,
Along with photos of kittens, or maybe a few things more.
You know I try to be good, every Sunday I kneel down and pray.
So how come all of my friends on gchat are set to away?

I think it's time to break out! Tomorrow I'll meet some new folks.
I'll find some folks in real life who'll laugh at some of my jokes,
And if we're hungry we'll go out to have a bite.
We'll go to movies and shows and we'll have a good time every night.
And we'll talk about pet peeves that bother us every day,
Like how come all of our friends on gchat are set to away?
Like why all of our friends on gchat are set to away?
Track Name: Barista Blues
Well, I'm your coffee shop man.
Won't you listen to my song?
I got something to give you, baby.
It'll keep you up all night long.

Well, it's early in the morning.
I can see you ain't had much sleep.
Now just try one loving spoonful.
It'll get you right back on your feet.
I'm your barista, baby.
I'll serve you all night and day.
Just tell me what you need.
I'll give it to you venti or grande.

Now you say you want a latte.
Well, just put your old cup down.
I'll put my steamer in it,
then I'll swirl it round and round.
Now just be patient, baby.
I swear I'll know when to pull it out.
I know you love that milky foam --
can't wait to put it in your mouth.
I'm your coffee shop man,
satisfaction guaranteed.
Once you've tried my coffee beans,
I know you'll agree they're best of breed.
Track Name: Song Written In The Shower
I remember going to school
on every school day.
My teacher was kind of a ghoul.
He ate the flesh of people.

But no-one made a fuss.
No-one caused trouble.
'Cause no-one else wanted to teach calculus
And also he had tenure.

I really learned a lot;
he was my favorite teacher.
He taught us about integrals,
and how to scream in fear.

Now schools aren't what they used to be --
That's their critics constant refrain.
Back then, we knew our teachers
really cared about our brains.
Track Name: Blue Yodel #∞ (T for T-Rex)
T for T. Rex, T for Tarbosaur.
T for T. Rex, T for Tarbosaur.
T's the time traveller my Thelma left me for.

I'd rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log
Drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log
Than to be in the Triassic and be eaten by a Theropod.

I'm gonna get me a pistol just as long as I am tall.
I'm gonna get me a pistol just as long as I am tall.
Gonna shoot that time traveller, even if he's my grandpaw.
Track Name: The Wreck of the Crash of the Easthill Mining Disaster
You can see the lyrics to this song on its author, Brooke Abbey's, own bandcamp page -- and listen to her version while you're at it! Her version of the song is at http://brookeabbey.com/track/the-wreck-of-the-crash-of-the-easthill-mining-disaster .