Time To Break Up The Band

by Jacob Haller

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    Also includes digital images of the covers, an insert with the credits, and a lyric sheet for the original songs.
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    Own one of only 250 copies of the first run of this CD, silk-screened by hand at 75orLess Records in Rhode Island. Includes an insert with art by Shaenon K. Garrity and Andrew Farago, plus printed lyrics to all of the original songs!

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 6 Jacob Haller releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Dice to Meet You: Tales from the Goddess's Repose, Cabin Fever, Time To Break Up The Band, Covers EP, Circumstantial Evidence, and Mistaken Identity. , and , .

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1.
We've been on the road for a couple of weeks; We've never sounded quite this great. The crowds have been swelling, the applause is so loud, And it's louder in every new state. The critics have spoken, they're starting to say Our sound is the best in the land. But I guess all good things must come to an end: Guess it's time to break up the band. If you listened to us with your vision obscured You'd swear our drummer had seven limbs. Our guitarist is Hendrix crossed with Bonnie Raitt; Our songs have the catchiest rhythms. We've played together for years, and we've built up our skills— We're catchy without being bland. From this peak, I only see one way to go: Guess it's time to break up the band. We stuck it out through thin and kept it going through thinner, Through it all, we stuck together like glue. I remember playing to crowds in the threes - We thought that we'd never break through. And now that it seems that we've broken, all right, Guess it's time to start something new ... With one last song for the road, one regretful refrain, We'll head out to solo careers. We'll build new reputations and work on our craft And in time we'll forget all our fears. And maybe we'll collaborate in twos or in threes— After all, we were birds of a feather. And so maybe we'll say, in a decade or two, Guess it's time to put the band back together.
2.
3.
goin' down to the drug store, buy me a skein of yarn goin' down to the drug store, buy a big ol' skein of yarn gonna knit me a kitten, even if you don't give a darn got a pair o' round needles, listen to them purr! got a pair o' round needles, hear them summabitches purr! gonna knit me a kitten and cover him up with fur don' want no store-bought kitten, can't stand them kitten farms, I wants me a homemade kitten with all those kitten charms so I guess I'll knit me a kitten any color fur I choose I can barely wait for my kitten that's why I got me the blues gonna knit me a kitten, just a couple more months to go gonna knit me a kitten, just eight or nine months to go gonna knit a siamese or maybe even a calico I'm a gettin' closer, I can almost hear the mews I'm a gettin' closer, I swear I can hear those mews I can't wait to finish, I got the kitten knittin' blues no, I can't wait to finish, that's why I got the kitten knittin' BLUES!
4.
Once in my favorite diner, I noticed on the floor a shiny dime which I picked up, and then looked 'round for more. It was noticed by my neighbor who sat there next to me. He mentioned it and praised me highly for my industry. We got to talking, and he seemed a very pleasant guy. I told him of my job and how I hated it and why. He was quite sympathetic, and he asked me to invest in enterprises that he ran, and I did, for a test. My money quickly doubled, then it tripled. I was in. My whole life's savings, and then some more, I handed it to him. Then one day when I called him there's no answer on the line. He'd gone completely missing with the money that was mine. And so, to keep myself from going quickly to default, I started taking money from my employer's bank vault. Now you know that every day we make decisions big and small. To sleep late, throw a man a buck, or give a friend a call. But these choices' effects multiply all of the goddamn time, And that's why I'm in prison now, for picking up a dime.
5.
Waterbugs 03:03
6.
I got binders full of women I got notebooks of femmes fatales I got portfolios of ladyfolks I couldn't even list them all I'm good for business What's good for business's good for the chicks And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix I got a spreadsheet full of sisters A database of dames A rolodex of double X but don't ask me their names I'm good for business What's good for business's good for the chicks And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix I can cross-index the ladies Based on name, shape and size. Then, what the hell, put it in Excel and sort them by their eyes. I'm good for business Whats good for business's good for the chicks And there ain't no problem that a binder full of women couldn't fix I quickly categorize 'em, Then send them home to feed their sprogs. My book of lists lists feminists under a female dog. I'm good for business What's good for business's good for ladies I can see their grateful looks as I drive past in my Mercedes
7.
In nineteen and seventy our story begins: A sperm whale was washed up on shore. And people did notice, as an eight ton dead beast Can be a bit hard to ignore. It became a curiosity and people stopped by To see what washed up from the sea. Then it started to stink, and soon all did agree That the beach should be made dead whale-free. The government considered just who would be best to resolve the large problem at hand. The highway department was given the task of removing the whale from the land. Now when you've a hammer, it's often been said, Every problem resembles a nail. So when you've a truckload of dynomite, You can bet that you'll annihilate that whale. A crowd gathered round, for it's not every day That you'll see a whale blowed up real good, And the seagulls were there, for their gull senses told them There'd soon be no shortage of food. The crowd roared its approval at the whale's quick removal Then the pieces, they rained on back down. Though nobody was killed, bits of blubber still filled Every inch of that Oregon town. On this scene I will now draw a curtain, my friends, But I'll give you some final imagery: Of the insurance adjuster who got the report Of a whale attack a half mile from sea.
8.
Verse: (stop time) The grasshopper said to the ant, "Why don't you just relax?" The ant said to the grasshopper, "I'll tell you the true facts: That there'll be CHORUS: (swinging) Seven years of fat, then seven years of lean. These cycles come and go, from everything I've seen. You might spend your dough in the times of plenty -- Put some by, or you won't have a penny when your time is done and it's seven years of lean." The Pharoah said to Joseph, "Well, I don't know what to do." Joseph said to the Pharoah, "I've got some good and bad news for you: 'Cause there'll be [CHORUS] The banker said to the farmer, "What goes up will never come down." The farmer said, "The time will come when you'll look like a clown. 'Cause there'll be [CHORUS]
9.
VERSE 1: Last night I gave you one last final chance, So I laughed politely at your awful jests. Your lines were so corny that I just had to smile To keep my eyes from rolling in their sockets. We parted with an awkward hug at my door. You're nice, and that is fine, but I need more. CHORUS 1: Was the moon too full? Was the wine a bit too strong? Did I behave too politely, And try too hard to get along? Why was the night so imperfect? Why did you not know what to say? Was the moon too full? Guess that's why I went away. VERSE 2: Last night I'd never seen you be more beautiful, And we laughed through drinks & also through dinner. We saw a shooting star & I said to make a wish. You smiled & I felt I was such a winner. I drove you home & we embraced at your door. Now I'm alone and I'm not sure what for. CHORUS 2: Was the moon too full? Was the wine a bit too sweet? Was I too damn charming? Were you too knocked off your feet? Was the night too perfect? Did you not know what to say? Was the moon too full? Is that why you went away?
10.
gchat blues 03:10
In my day-to-day life, I'm a man of few words, But on Google Chat, I can't wait to talk to my nerds. It's my social release, the main thing I do online. I've tried facebook and ICQ, but they ain't worth a dime. I go to my job and work hard every day, So how come all of my friends on gchat are set to away? You know, I live alone, I don't want to just talk to the wall, And if there's no one to talk to, I feel around six inches tall. You know that connecting friends, that's what the Internet's for, Along with photos of kittens, or maybe a few things more. You know I try to be good, every Sunday I kneel down and pray. So how come all of my friends on gchat are set to away? I think it's time to break out! Tomorrow I'll meet some new folks. I'll find some folks in real life who'll laugh at some of my jokes, And if we're hungry we'll go out to have a bite. We'll go to movies and shows and we'll have a good time every night. And we'll talk about pet peeves that bother us every day, Like how come all of our friends on gchat are set to away? Like why all of our friends on gchat are set to away?
11.
Well, I'm your coffee shop man. Won't you listen to my song? I got something to give you, baby. It'll keep you up all night long. Well, it's early in the morning. I can see you ain't had much sleep. Now just try one loving spoonful. It'll get you right back on your feet. I'm your barista, baby. I'll serve you all night and day. Just tell me what you need. I'll give it to you venti or grande. Now you say you want a latte. Well, just put your old cup down. I'll put my steamer in it, then I'll swirl it round and round. Now just be patient, baby. I swear I'll know when to pull it out. I know you love that milky foam -- can't wait to put it in your mouth. I'm your coffee shop man, satisfaction guaranteed. Once you've tried my coffee beans, I know you'll agree they're best of breed.
12.
I remember going to school on every school day. My teacher was kind of a ghoul. He ate the flesh of people. But no-one made a fuss. No-one caused trouble. 'Cause no-one else wanted to teach calculus And also he had tenure. I really learned a lot; he was my favorite teacher. He taught us about integrals, and how to scream in fear. Now schools aren't what they used to be -- That's their critics constant refrain. Back then, we knew our teachers really cared about our brains.
13.
T for T. Rex, T for Tarbosaur. T for T. Rex, T for Tarbosaur. T's the time traveller my Thelma left me for. I'd rather drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log Drink muddy water, sleep in a hollow log Than to be in the Triassic and be eaten by a Theropod. I'm gonna get me a pistol just as long as I am tall. I'm gonna get me a pistol just as long as I am tall. Gonna shoot that time traveller, even if he's my grandpaw.
14.
You can see the lyrics to this song on its author, Brooke Abbey's, own bandcamp page -- and listen to her version while you're at it! Her version of the song is at http://brookeabbey.com/track/the-wreck-of-the-crash-of-the-easthill-mining-disaster .

about

Jacob Haller has been a fixture of the Rhode Island music scene for the past ten years, and has been frequently featured in popular shows such as AS220's Empire Revue and Common Fence Point Music's annual Gathering of Fiddlers & Fishermen. For this, his third album, he has brought together some of his favorite musicians to record songs on topics such as: kittens, relationships, exploding whales, criminal activity, coffee, loneliness, and time travel. The result is an eclectic mix of songs that will entertain and confuse you.

Praise for 'Time To Break Up The Band':
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"A refreshingly light-hearted take on Blues and Folk music. 'Time To Break Up The Band' gives you a nod and wink to accompany the foot tapping that ensues."

-- The Blues Record

"If you're a fan of Jacob Haller for his witty, clever approach to lyrics, 'Time To Break Up The Band' will not disappoint!"

-- Heather Rose

"Jacob Haller's next album, after this one, I predict will be called 'Quitting My Day Job'."

-- Sonny Roelle, the Sentimental Favorites

credits

released May 15, 2014

This album was recorded and mixed at Machines with Magnets by Keith Souza and Seth Manchester and mastered at Sound Mirror by Mark Donahue, and has been released by 75orLess Records. Album art is by Shaenon K. Garrity and Andrew Farago. Lyrics, other recordings, etc. at music.jwgh.org.

All songs and performances ©2013 and ℗2013 Jacob Haller except as noted.

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Jacob Haller Providence, Rhode Island

Jacob Haller has been a fixture of the Rhode Island music scene for ten years, and has been frequently featured in popular shows such as AS220's Empire Revue and Common Fence Point Music's annual Gathering of Fiddlers & Fishermen.

"Jacob Haller is not only a talented musician and songwriter, he's also a talented songwriter and musician."

-- Harper Johnson, Co-Host of The Blues Record podcast
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